Creative Breathwork

Death Urge

Death Urge

So, we’re gonna go onto the unconscious death urge, which… When I first did this lineage of breathwork, I didn’t wanna even know about this. Because I was like so in the brainwashing matrix of we all die, so this is just stupid to even entertain the possibility that we don’t need to. So that’s just being imaginary, and that’s just, what’s the point of that? It gave me the shits. This seminar we’re gonna investigate…(?)… 

But the more and more and more that I read about it and started to look into it, the more it woke me up actually. Because Leonard was very much working towards immortality, and he ended up dying last year. And you know, I think the death urge is probably the strongest in our thought matrix brainwashing hierarchy. Where Mark Twain said the only thing you can ever be sure of in life is death and taxes. So you know, we’ve been programmed for a very long time that life is finite, and that when you die, you die, you’re gone. So live your life like that’s it, you know, it’s gonna be all over. And it’s kind of…when you think about that, and when you think about what does that mean? It disempowers you, it leaves you not knowing anything about what life is or who we are. So, they’re just, we live once and we die, and that’s that. 

So when I started looking at the death urge, and really studying it, I started to realise that…it started to really kind of expand my mind and I started to really feel into, wow, this Universe, this life, this existence is so much more. So much more than what we’re brainwashed into believing. And the fact that we die, and we have to die, particularly at a certain age…70,80, 90…that’s pretty much the age. 30 year age gap that we have to die. Um, we’ve really taken it on. 

What would happen if we started to explore the possibility that we don’t have to die? What would happen? And of course, it’s similar to what you guys have just done, you’ll have shitloads to go into the response columns, heaps to go into the response columns. Well, you know, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t died. Everyone I know’s died, so of course we have to die, what are you talking about? You don’t have to die, that’s ridiculous. And death is natural, I’m not afraid of death. So lots of stuff comes up about it, so you know what I love about this seminar, it’s not necessarily to have everyone become immortal, but what it is, is to have everyone start to challenge the status quo of belief. 

Start to challenge, what would it mean if I let go of the known fact that I have to die? What would it mean? It would mean that I would be fully present in my life, 100%, that’s what it means. Because when we’re living our life thinking that we have a certain amount of time, we’re rushing around for starters. We’ve got…(?)…gotta do this by this time, gotta do that by that time. So we’re not actually in our life, we’re not in our best life. We’re in the life that’s been created for us. You’ve gotta have a house by this age, should be married by this age, we learn that you’ve gotta have children by the time you’re your late 30’s. You’d better start getting your stuff sorted out and then you’ve gotta get busy dying, because you’re hitting a certain age. So you’ve got these time limitations. 

So when people have time limitations, they can’t actually become conscious. You can’t become conscious when you’re constantly in a state of anxiety, panic and fear to get things done by a certain time. So I believe the death urge is what keeps us from become conscious beings. It keeps us deep in the matrix of life is finite. It’s cruel. You’re born and then you die. I’ve seen bumper stickers with it on it. 

So I think you would only have to make friends with it if you were afraid of it. And you would only be afraid of it, if it’s looming constantly. If you’re not living. Because a lot of people feel like they can’t live fully, because it’ll be taken away by death. So I’d better only live half, and have one foot in death. So if you let go of death…like I’ve read the Tibetan book of dying, I’ve gone…I wanted to be a death doula, I’ve done all of Steve Johnson’s workshops, I’m very into death, you know. 

But I also understand what this seminar did for me. It brought me fully into my life. Because what I was doing, was I was shutting death off in my youngers years, but I was trying to race towards it. I’ve taken shitloads of drugs, and done all of this death-y stuff. Because I felt like death was the only way I was gonna reconnect to source. So therefore, what’s that belief? Life, there’s no connection to source in life. Life is hard, death is the ultimate release from the hardship of life. So why would I want to be alive then? Maybe I’d rather be dead? So, there’s no right or wrong here at all, this is a complete and utter…I’m just gonna put it all out there, and see what you guys think about it. Because what you think about it is gonna tell you a lot about how you’re living. Because we’re living right now, we’re not dying.

Yeah. But what if it’s actually not much different? And we’re pre-occupied with this  unknown , but we could open to that in life. What if we could have death in life, you know? It’s like we leave death over there, and we go ok one day I’ll know everything when I die, it’s all gonna change and I’ll have all the answers. So at the moment I’ll just go about my…I’ll just enjoy life. No-one’s really enjoying life, it’s not really happening. The little moments of enjoyment…(?) If everyone was super enjoying life,  we wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t have all this mega fear shit (?) going on. 

So in a way, life has become death, and death has become life. So we’re struggling, we’re limited by our physical bodies, we’re in pain, we’re supressed by the greater powers that be. And death is what will free us from it. That’s our thinking. My understanding, and what I’ve started to open to through working with this, through breathwork, is that it’s all here now, all of it. And I think when the Buddhists say open to death, yeah, fucking open to death right now. It doesn’t mean give your body back to the Earth and go into spirit form. You can have both. 

And when they talk about enlightened beings, they have a body, but they have a light body, that they can bring their body in and out. So, because our vibration is still very 3D and we’re quite dense, our body is still quite hard. And it’s not light, there’s not enough light in between the particles of our body. So that’s what I see enlightenment as. That we can keep this body, we can still be here if we wanna be, and we…it’s a transformation rather than a sudden chop, death. And it’s like the cord cutting, chop. 

Death is the same, it’s like you open up and you go to another realm, but in this belief, where you go is you go to a place of deep rest and sleep, so that you can clean and clear your energy body so you can make another physical body. So, there’s a lot to this particular seminar, and it really challenges people. And it challenged me, trust me. When I first heard it, I wasn’t interested in it. It went against all of my beliefs. And I was like ‘well I say with my grandmother when she died, and she died. Death is real. What are you talking about? This is stupid. Bodies get old, and they die. And that’s just how it is. Trees die, plants die. Everything dies. 

So, and we always call this a working hypothesis, because nothing’s ever factual. So the working hypothesis of the death urge is that all of the animals and the plants are subject to our death urge. So animals die because we believe that they die. Plants die because we believe that plants die. And the bible actually says this. I’ll find the passage, it’s in this book, I’ll find it in a minute. The bible actually says that something like the earth groans under the…I can’t remember the actual…but there’s lots of clues in the bible about death urge, which is really interesting. 

And big disasters is collective death urge. Earthquakes, collective death urge. All of that stuff, we are creating. We are master creators. And we’ve been brainwashed into the matrix of the death urge in order to continue…some people believe we’re in a slave vibration, so we’re just (unclear) over and over again, and if they keep us in a karmic slave vibration then we won’t question and we won’t rise above it and we won’t become enlightened. And that’s just the game of the 3D world, you know. It’s not evil, it’s just a game. You don’t have to see it as evil, you can if you wanna go into your terror, ‘cause it’s perfect to get you into your terror. But when people say rise above it, that’s what I see it as. You start to purify your energy and start to enlighten yourself, so that you can start to actually understand things a little bit bitter. 

It’s defined as the unconscious urge to die in order to be reunited with the source. So when you look at the, the chopping of the umbilical cord to disconnect us from the source, and then the death urge to be reunited again, you can see a link in how we’re living our lives. We’re cut really quickly, so instantly we just wanna get back to source. Unless we’re born in lotus with full conscious parents, all of us are spending our life with death urge. And we create these things unconsciously, we create illnesses, car accidents, violent partners, you know, all sorts of stuff. Drug addictions. Anything you do that’s anti-life is your death urge.

 And it’s an unconscious thought or desire to get back to that connection to source, because we believe that this earth and living our life is devoid of connection to source. That’s why people go to church, that’s why people are so brainwashed by church. Because we have such a deep desire to connect to the source. So these very intelligent, smart people have said come to the church and connect with source. That’s why your pure little self went ‘no fuckin’ way, there’s no source in there’. So I feel like the remedy to the death urge is connecting with source every day, however you can, wherever you see source. If you see it in nature, holy places, travel, your art, whatever it is that gives you meditation. Plants, breathwork, whatever gives you back that connection to source is the remedy for your death urge. And people who have deep spiritual practices live longer. Because they don’t have a strong death urge. And we’re so deeply programmed that there’s not many immortal yogis on the planet. 

It’s like a photograph taken of us, in an expression that’s quite terrible. And you think ‘I’m not that ugly’, well the moment of death you’re just left in an expression that might not be very lovely. Ok so it’s a matrix of thoughts and feelings, based on the denial of our eternal connection to the source, and the denial that life is eternal. Even, like, I’ve actually had the privilege, like Lisa, of seeing a few people die, being with them and supporting them. And I have, from a very young age, had the ability to see through the veil. I used to astral travel when I was a kid, and I’ve always been able to see stuff. My grandmother was a spiritual healer, we had a very deep connection around that kind of stuff. So I am lucky enough to have had first-hand experience of seeing someone leave their body and walk off. And I’ve had confirmation of that experience with this beautiful friend of mine who died from, not MS, motor neuron, thank you. He died of motor neuron, and he was the same age as me. And he died 3 years ago, and it took him 3 years to die. 

James, yeah, and so I worked with him through that whole 3 years, ‘cause in that time I was still working as a bodywork therapist and that’s how I met him. He came up to have a session with me, and his body was rippling. And I said ‘What’s going on with your body James?’, and he said ‘I dunno, I’m actually going down to the neurologist to have a test’. And he came back a couple of weeks later and he said ‘Actually I’ve got motor neuron’. And so they gave him 3 years to live, and so that 3 years I worked with him really extensively with his body, helping keep his body as loved and nurtured as possible. 

And then of course he lost all his ability, and just became a complete vegetable in a wheelchair. He was a beautiful man, an incredible musician, and he was you know, coming very close to him passing. And I was in the room with him and I was playing these crystal balls in the room, and I was playing them and playing them and playing them. And I saw him get up, and I saw him sit down with this man who had a cowboy hat on, this black cowboy hat with a feather. And his name was Black Crow, this man, and they both had guitars. He was a cool man, he had a guitar, and then he got up and James got up, and they walked off together into the distance. I watched them for ages walking off, then I felt very strongly to leave the room, and I left the room and when I came back he’d passed, he’d gone. 

And I told his wife Peta what I saw, and all the blood drained out of her face and she went and got his newest CD which he hadn’t put out yet. And it was called Black Crow. And he’d written all these songs about death, and his connection with his spirit guide, and all this stuff. Anyway, it was just such a beautiful experience. I’ve always had a really strong connection with death, and I understand that it’s just a continuation without the physical body, we just drop the physical body and we just continue. But what I’m understanding from this, is that we see it as such a difference from where we’re at. We see death as the…it’s gonna give me everything that I don’t have right now, and I’ll wait for it, so the death urge becomes strong. 

And what I see and what I hear, I’ve had 2 boyfriends commit suicide, I’m very attracted to sensitive souls. And one of my closest friends…did you ever meet Anh? He blew himself up, and his whole shop, he had a shop in Katoomba. He tried to kill himself twice, then he got…we were such a strong group of friends that someone in the group would be like ‘Where’s Anh? What’s you know…’ And he’d get found. He got found overdosed, he got found trying to hang himself. And then the last time he wasn’t’ gonna take any chances, so he put…he had this amazing shop called Goldsmiths, I don’t know if anyone knows Katoomba, right near where the railway station is, just up from the Guerin’s pub. He had this shop, and it was like a bazaar, it had stuff from all over the world. Anyway he set it up with dynamite, and he injected himself with heroin, and blew the whole thing up, and himself as well

Anyway, so a friend of mine, we were all friends, she is this Irish woman and she was sitting on the station not long after Anh had passed, and she said he came and sat down next to her, and he said to her ‘It’s not worth it’, because she was suicidal. And they also talk about death as catching, so once someone does it, it kind of life can open up that real death urge in someone who’s close, and they’ll go and do it too. And she was contemplating killing herself at that time, and Anh went to her and said it’s not worth it, it’s not worth it, don’t do it. Work through the stuff that you’ve got to work through, because it’s more painful. 

And that was an incredible gift, and she came and told all of us. But, I’ve known a lot of people who’ve committed suicide, and I’ve been with a lot of people who have died. And this seminar is very close to my heart, because I think death is beautiful, it is beautiful, but what is it? What is this word death? What have we been trained to believe about it? I feel like it’s actually a full continuum, and we’re not seeing it like that. And there’s also that beautiful story of the two babies in the womb. They’re the twins and they’re talking to each other and one is saying do you believe in life after being in the womb, life after birth, do you think there’s anything else other than this? And the other baby’s going ‘no, don’t be ridiculous, this is it, this is where we are, don’t talk such nonsense’. And the other one’s like ‘oh I just have this feeling that you know, there’s so much more and that we should go towards the light at the end of the tunnel’. And the other one’s like ‘what light? What tunnel? You’re talking such nonsense’. And the other one’s like ‘I can hear voices, and I feel like there’s other beings’. And the other one’s like ‘Don’t be ridiculous, you’re an idiot, this is it’. 

Yeah it’s just a beautiful understanding of where we’re at in our mind, we’re so programmed to just see things how we’re programmed to see them. And of course if we’re programmed,  we will see them like that. And we will see that death is where we’re headed, because that’s what we’ve been taught to see. But what if it’s all exactly the same, and all we’re doing is we’re experiencing a physical body right now, and it’s quite dense. And some bodies are super dense, and that’s what I see with this breathwork.

 It’s like the cathartic breathwork that I did is good for people who are super dense, like your rugby players out there, and the people who are not particularly aware and conscious yet, but full on. That cathartic breathwork we did is good for them. You know, it can really crack them open, ‘cause you have to cracked when you’re that hard. When you’re that hard, you have to be cracked. But the more lighter you get, the lighter you get, the more you start to open to the possibilities of ‘well this is not so 3 dimensional’. 

People are talking about animals going extinct, well maybe they’re just moving on. Maybe there’s a different place. But then also they say that something’s extinct, and then next minute ‘oh my god they’re not extinct anymore, this animal’s come back’, well what’s going on there? So what I love about this seminar is it just starts to really challenge one of the deepest, most programmed thoughts that we have.

SPEAKER : What about people that want to die, and they end up being around for a long time? I know grandma was very sick, and she wanted to die for a long time, and she was 80-smething…

SPEAKER 1: She was probably deeply afraid of it. I would have to know a little bit more about her history. She might have felt guilty, she might have been living for other people. She might have had a deep religious belief, or…don’t know.

Ok so I know you guys have got lots of questions, but we’ve got a process to do. Yeah so the most powerful thought in the death urge matrix is death is inevitable. And we also have death urge and the conformist, and death urge and the ultra rebel. You’ll never see an ultra rebel at a course like this, and ultra rebels usually die young.

SPEAKER 9: They’re just running towards it. 

SPEAKER 1: Yeah, they’re running towards it, totally. I’m amazed my brother is alive, ‘cause my brother is an ultra rebel. He’s not very alive, and he’s homeless and chooses to be homeless. He’s such an ultra rebel, my brother.

SPEAKER 2: Do you have any connection with him?

SPEAKER 1: He’s so dysfunctional and angry. The last real connection I had with him was when I was pregnant with my daughter. In the middle of the night, I saw…’cause I was up, I was up quite often ‘cause I was coming close to giving birth. I saw these hands come up the top of the steps at my front door, and put something down and then go. I was so freaked out, and I didn’t check, I just didn’t wanna check, I was too in birthing mode and ‘what the fuck did I just see?’ 

And in the morning there were keys there and I opened up my door and there was a boat and a car and fuckin, what the fuck? And it was my brother’s girlfriend, dumping all of his stuff at my house because my brother went through girlfriends like underpants, had a new girlfriend all the time. And she was just trying to get rid of him, so she didn’t know what else to do but to come and put all his stuff in my driveway. The car was full of all his stuff, televisions, everything. There was a boat, and I couldn’t even get out of my driveway, and I was just like ‘this is my brother, if I open the door of my life to my brother, all of this shit will come tumbling down onto my life. 

So I can’t have him in my life whatsoever, I can’t, and he is a catastrophe, he’s an absolute catastrophe. He lives right on the edge, and he leaves his mess everywhere. He just creates mess and leaves everyone else to pack it up and deal with it, and moves on. And the conformists…ultra conformists, you’re a bit of an ultra conformist, but you’re working through that. Ultra conformists are the children that die. Because they get a disease in order to save the family. They believe that they can sacrifice themselves to save the family.

SPEAKER 2: I had an ephiphany this time last year, like holy shit, gotta work on this.

SPEAKER 1: So the exercise that we’re gonna do, so I need a volunteer. So you can do this with the death urge, and you can also do this with an illness. So if someone’s got a specific illness, like you and I did, you can do it on the illness as well. Come and grab a chair, Nahana. Ok, so you just ask this question over and over again. Same as the last process we did, where you just keeping asking it over and over again. And you just answer what comes first in your mind. So the question is ‘The reason why I wouldn’t want to live forever is…’

Our ancestors have been through war and imprisonment and all that stuff, and that’s actually coming up against us now. We’re being shown once again where we’re at, collectively, with our mind and our belief system. So we’re drawing this towards us, collectively. And this is definitely linked to the death urge, because of the belief that we’re in the matrix here, and we’re limited here, we can’t fly and we can’t visit other places. So this is the belief that we have, collectively, that’s bringing all of this upon us.

 So the best healing you can do is to start to work with this stuff, and start to challenge your thoughts. You don’t have to believe it, your mind doesn’t believe things until it’s ready to. But just start to entertain the possibility, and start to look at it, and look at where your mind’s at with it. That’s all this is, you’re just gonna get to see ‘ok, right, that’s too much bullshit’. And I would just even go further to say that all of this is in your mind. The bullshit’s in your mind, the limitations are in your mind, the matrix is in your mind, the toxicity is in your mind. It’s all there. And it might be a bit ‘ugh’ at first, but it’s actually liberating. ‘cause if it was out there, you couldn’t do anything about it, you couldn’t change it. But you can. So, pick a partner you haven’t worked with. 

So you just ask question 1 over and over and over again, and at the very end, just ask 2, which is what’s the main reason. So you only ask question 2 once. 

Anyway yeah, I wanted to read…all death is suicide, no exceptions. The death urge was the driving force behind the Dark Ages of false religious doctrine, due to the misery of the people under the oppressive rule of the church. Centuries later, we continue to cling to this false dogma. 

Contemporary music, movies, theatre and art are a reflection of a contemporary society. A great deal of today’s music and theatre is based on the premise of unrequited love, suffering, longing and death. Many video games, and of course horror movies, are a reflection of the death urge, not only of the writers and actors, but also of the people who indulge in them. Unhealthy allegiance to sports heroes and movie celebrities is a segment of the death urge matrix. Mother Earth and Father Sky are impacted upon by our collective death urge. The collective death urge resulted in 9/11 in the USA. 

The government sanction and public condoning of torture and the systemic erosion of our civil rights under the new terrorist laws is a result of the death urge. Men and women in positions of power acting out their birth pain and early childhood abuses. Perpetrating government, justified violence on other human beings. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. If you doubt that anyone you know could become inhumane enough to torture others, read the Milgrim Experiment: The Perils of Obedience. The constant threat via the media of global pandemics, flu, bird flu or other viruses is a result of the death urge. We’re in that right now, we’re directly gonna experience this. 

 Death is woven into the fabric of our society and family mindset. The death urge is the structure of thoughts and feelings inherited through family tradition. The death urge is psychogenetic. Surviving family members who have what is termed survival guilt, especially if the family member who died is younger than them. In the case of children, the parents feel as though ti should have been them that died. They often say ‘Why didn’t God take me?’ To not die when older, and leave the room for the next generation is considered an anti-social act. Lisa would probably have something to say about that. 

People who have mastered longevity must go to the extraordinary length to disguise their real age. Some of them even fake their own deaths. The government wouldn’t like it, it is contradictory to their policies and thought systems. It doesn’t fit into the paradigm, and they do not have a system to handle youthful, vibrant, healthy 200 year olds. And to top it all off, these longevitans probably will not pay taxes, and the most appalling consequence of all according to government mindset, their superannuation won’t go the distance. No, we cannot have any of that nonsense in a well-run society. Everyone must die at the right age and fit in. The family clan does not like it. Longevitans do not leave inheritances, they probably use it all up living it up. That’s what my Mum and her partner are doing. And Mum’s like ‘ohhh’ and I’m like ‘just do it, don’t be ridiculous’. Worst case scenario, how does one explain away your Mum looking younger than you, and relatives who refuse to look old and die. 

The death urge is acted out via the parental disapproval/approval syndrome. Those who conform to their family patterns have a tendency to die at the same age, and of similar symptoms, as the parent of the same sex. People who rail against their parents in mutiny are called rebels, and they die at an older age than their parents. Usually both, but sometimes the parent they detested, and generally choose a different exit scenario. Ultimately this is to prove the parent wrong. The rebel is saying with their whole body ‘See? I turned out better than you, and I lived longer, beat that’. Unless you’re an ultra rebel.

The patterns of conformists and rebels have ultra components, the ultra conformist and the ultra rebel. The ultra conformist is the sacrificial lamb of the family. Morgan. This is the child, usually angelic looking, who is central to movie themes and who, by their sacrifice, serious illness, kidnapping, lost in the snow or storms, near death, cancer, will create sufficient drama to pull the family together and thereby save it from falling apart. This classic take is not based on fantasy. Ultra conformists, who in current times undergo extreme treatments, chemotherapy in children’s hospital, are today’s sacrificial lambs. These children will do anything to siphon off, dissipate, disperse any unresolved energy between family members, especially parents. If there seems to be any rift that may lead to divorce or separation, they are galvanised into action, creating a drama which they believe will pull their mum and dad together by their bedside. We could probably turn children’s hospitals and children’s emergency wards into white elephants of empty spaces with no small patients if we adults took responsibility for our unresolved issues.

So Leonard Orr writes in his book, The Death Urge, 130,000 years ago during the time of the reign of Rama and Sita, it was common for people to live from 5,000 to 50,000 years. This was lost only 5,000 years ago when death became universally popular. Humanity lost it gradually by neglecting the practices of eternal life. The bible says the thoughts of their hearts were only evil, continually. Spiritual purification was abandoned by civilizations, and only great saints and prophets conquered death. The first humans, Adam & Eve, lived in paradise and were deathless immortals. They fell from grace by committing a sin. They ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good & evil, they were evicted from the Garden of Eden and became mortal. From then on, the bible chronicles the gradual decline in lifespans and said, in the book of pslam, the days of our years are 3 score years and 10, and if by reason of strength, they are 4 score years. Yet is there strength, labour & sorrow for it is soon cut off, and we fly away. So 3 score year and 10 is 70, and 4 score years is 80. So that’s the beginning of the programming. 

In modern scientific terms, each cell in the body has a limited number of times it can divide, called the Hayflick limit. The Hayflick limit takes effect around 70 years of age. Evidently, the 1000 trillion cells in the human body have taken the bible message to heart, and turned it into the gospel truth. Or is death created by the sorrows of (?) that flew out of Pandora’s box. In Greek mythology, Pandora, the first woman, was given a sealed casket by the gods and instructed not to open it. Of course she opened it, and out flew all the evils that plague the word – sorrow, grief, plague, misery and deat. Realising the terrible mistake she had made, Pandora slammed the lid, but it was too late. All the evils had escaped, and in closing the lid, she had trapped hope inside. Hope still whispers to us from the bottom of Pandora’s box. The Greek gods say that is why death lives amongst us. There is so much I could read on. I mean, if you’ve all got this book, read this chapter. It’s gonna be a good source of getting you into your death urge and your terror, but it’s also got some good remedies in it so that, once you’ve breathed, you can have some good knowledge for your mind, ‘cause it’s our minds that we need on our side in this moment. Because if our minds aren’t on our side, it’ll keep pulling us into fear of death and terror. Did you have something you wanted to say?

How do we deal with it on a day to day basis?

SPEAKER 1: Breathe. Keeping breathing. I’m gonna start an online group straight away, you guys can all join. We’ll all breathe when you need it, I’ll probably do 2 a week. So you can just hop on and breathe. And then just breathe during the day at home. Get in your bath tub. If you’ve got a fire, light a fire. Breathe in the bath, you  know, stay grounded. As soon as you’re popping into your head and you’re online and you’re researching shit, get the fuck off. Get in the bath, light a fire, do some breathing. Just be grounded, be in reality. That’s not reality, that’s a false created reality from everyone’s death urge and trauma and terror. It’s snowballing, and it’s very clever how it’s happening. Everyone’s sending me fucking texts, even Wix, fuckin’ website people have sent me a text. Telstra, all the companies. Everyone’s like Covid 19 at the front of the email. I just delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, I do not read them. This is my la, la, la, la, la, not interested. And then I get friends who are bought into it. Didn’t you read the…how come you’re still up there? No, I didn’t read it, and I’ll talk to you later.